Rain?

The past three mornings I have woken up, looked out the window and wondered, "is this rain?" You might think that I am looking for rain because California is experiencing a severe drought. California has had three years of below average rainfall. To me, this is normal California living since we moved here only a year ago in the midst of the drought. All kidding aside - it is a big problem and we have been asked to voluntarily reduce our usage by 20%.

However, the drought is not the reason I have been asking myself "is this rain?" The real reason is because I am really trying to figure out if it is raining here. I've spent my whole life up to this point on the east coast and have NEVER questioned if it was raining. Back home, you know whether it is raining, and more often than not you had better head for cover.

I have been drenched by rain, a combination of rain/hail, drizzle, wintry mix, and every other type of precipitation. But I have never seen anything like the "rain?" that we have here in Half Moon Bay. It isn't falling from the sky; it is simply moisture hovering in the air, but it is much thicker than fog. For example, I took the kids for a walk in the stroller and used the wind/rain shield, which soon had drops of water flowing down it. But no drops of water ever fell on it. I had on a rain coat which also got soaked. But, there wasn't rain. Isn't that weird? The sidewalk and road were wet and small puddles had formed but it wasn't raining. I don't get it. Water is dripping from the gutters - but still, no rain is falling.

I went to the ocean to get some answers. Ha! In coastal states back east you can go to the ocean and watch raindrops fall on the ocean during storms. So, I figured the ocean could clear up the question of rain for me. I get to the ocean and look out  - nope, no drops falling on the water. But, water is blowing around in the air like someone sprayed a mist of water from a bottle. What the heck?

Pictures from my walk to the ocean to "get answers"

Is this fog? Nope. I have experienced that here before. The first run I went on after moving here the water pooled on my eyelashes and fell like tears and my face and arms were wet but not from sweat. I have had many more runs like that one. So, I get it - the fog can sometimes be thick here. That was new for me but now I get it. I have also experienced rain here (only 2x). It is not like a rain that I am used to but a legit rain here does occasionally fall from the sky. The past couple of days it has been more than fog but less than rain.

I had to get to the bottom of this so I asked my local friend, Nicole. Her reply: "it is yucky fog rain". It is fog, but not really. It is rain, but not really.

This makes me wonder if the humidity would actually be droplets in the air back east if the air was cooler in the summer. Hmmmm. Clearly, I should have paid more attention in science class.

Swim Lessons

We enrolled the kids in swim lessons a) so they could learn to swim, obviously and b) it would be a shame for us to live 1/2 mile away from the seemingly endless Pacific ocean with two little people that can't swim. This is a town where people walk around with surfboards, wetsuits, and bare feet. A town where they ride with a surfboard attached to their bike, or have a kayak attached to the roof of their car, or are carrying an oar and a paddleboard to hop on the ocean and stand up paddleboard.

Me stand up paddleboarding right before I fell in

So with some research (a quick 5 minute google search - I refer to google searches as research) I found a place that seemed like a good fit and had classes twice per week for a month. I wanted classes that were held at least two times a week so they would remember things from one session to the next. I also wanted a place that had a heated pool where we could practice on off days. I realize the heated pool comment makes me sound  a little "yuppie" and just to clarify I am not "yuppie". At all. I am more of a "crunchy" wannabe.

This is the description of F's class that I pulled from the center we attend: This interactive class is designed for babies to become comfortable swimming independently in and under the water by working together with their parents in the pool. Babies will learn to be relaxed while floating independently on their backs and swimming with their eyes down for a distance of three to five feet. They will also be introduced to pop-up breathing.

Doesn't that description make you want to join because it would be relaxing to be with your child as they learn to swim? Not this kid. He is like a feral cat. Joe attends the classes with him. I have watched him each time and am always surprised at his lack of fear. I wonder if this is a 2 year old thing, a boy thing, a second kid thing or a Finn thing. In his class he tries to wiggle away from Joe, attempts to swim, launches himself backward so he can do a spin underwater, pours buckets of water on his head, jumps in from the pool deck - he is out of control.

In the initial session the instructor commented to Joe, "I have never seen anything like this in a first class session." During the class the swim instructor tries to work kids up to pouring a bucket of water on their head by having them pour it in the water, then on the back of the head, then on the top of the head. Meanwhile F is taking his bucket and dumping it on his face. She attempts to get the children used to blowing bubbles underwater. Meanwhile, F is completely submerged  three feet under blowing bubbles. He has no intentions of listening to what the instructor says. Ever. He doesn't aim to please anyone. He is only interested in doing what he wants to do. I would argue that his version is probably preparing him to swim more rapidly than his class, but who's to judge?

She told us that she would like to promote him to the next class after hers ends. However, she is afraid that he won't be able to sit on the steps and follow directions from the instructor. The parent is not in the water with the child and they sit on the step to listen and learn before having a turn to practice. I agree. He will not sit on the step. My guess is that he will jump from the step into the water, splash on the step, break the concrete step, dunk another kid in his class, pull his shorts down and pee on the pool deck or anything else you can imagine. He will not sit on the step and listen.

However, Q is enrolled in the "Tadpoles" class.  Q is a lot more calm in her class. She sits on the step patiently and waits her turn. She listens to every word the instructor says and seeks approval. She tries really hard to stay on task. She is learning how to swim and will probably have it down in the next month. She is so proud when the instructor is happy with her. She smiles from ear to ear when she is complimented. And, she has only been threatened with the top step once - when she wouldn't stop sticking her head underwater while the instructor was working with other students.

As you can see we have two little people that couldn't be any more different. It makes things interesting in every aspect. These swim lessons have been more of a lesson for me. They have highlighted the distinct differences between Q & F. I observe these differences in personality on a daily basis but am usually so consumed with taking care of them (and keeping Finn alive) that I don't take the time to let it soak in. At swim lessons I see it all. And, it is funny. And, I am proud. I am proud of my rambunctious baby boy and my adult pleasing little lady.

Lessons for me and for them.

The Less Complete Book

Learning to swim….hmmm, I don't really remember learning to swim.  I have recently been pondering how I mastered the skill as we have recently enrolled both of the littles in lessons.

For those of you that don't know, I am the baby of the family. I am the third child. Why do I share this with you? Because, I am sure that my older sister had swim lessons and probably my brother too. However, I am almost 100% confident that someone tossed me into the deep end and told me that  I should swim or I would sink. I know this because I have seen the "baby book".

The baby book is a book where my mom documented our milestones and cute little pictures of us doing funny things. Reading my baby book it would appear that I was born, at some point I got two teeth, talked to a cat that hung out on our deck and learned to potty. That's it. That is all I ever did as a child. My sister on the other hand: she was born, rolled over, cooed, sat up, got EACH of her teeth, learned to potty, recited poetry at age 2, dipped a fry in ketchup, got her first black eye, broke her tooth on a frozen turkey at the grocery store, crawled, took her first step, took swim lessons yada yada yada.

Fast forward from my sister's baby book to 18 years later:

My sister was exploring colleges. She settled on West Virginia University and off we all went, the whole family, to accompany her to orientation. Not long after orientation we made another trip to Morgantown to move into her "honors dorm" (of course she was in the honors dorm). We helped carry her stuff up about 7,000 of the steepest steps I had ever seen. We got her all nice and comfortable to start college life. After we got her all set up we went home.

We went home to a different home. Home to a place where she no longer lived with us. This tore my mom to pieces. It was a very hard time for her. Her baby was in college and 3.5 hours from home. Tonya was having to take care of herself for the first time. Mom cried and cried (I had barely ever seen her cry before this).

My brother started college a couple of years later and decided to commute from home so this transition wasn't nearly as difficult on her.

Then, it was my turn to go - the baby, the last pumpkin on the vine (that's what my dad says). Surely everyone would be sad that I too had settled on WVU and would be headed there in August?? Nope. No sadness. No emotion. Orientation day came and thankfully my brother agreed to take me to Morgantown to meet up with my sister so I could learn the ropes. Yeah right, learn the ropes. She basically stopped in the pedestrian crosswalk in front of the student union, flung open the door of her 1996 Dodge Neon and threw me out, where I attempted to navigate a huge university orientation all by myself. I talked with an advisor, listened to some "important" people talk, took a placement test and tried to figure out how to get back to her apartment.

About a month later it was time to leave home to move to Morgantown. No one cared. No really, they didn't care. I don't even think they realized I no longer lived there until I had children ten years later and they had to drive to Morgantown to see them ;). Kidding. Kind of.

I say all of this because now I totally understand. Q's baby book reads like a novel. I wrote down everything. F has a few things littered here and there on the pages. He didn't accomplish nearly the amount of things Q did according to the "baby book". But, somehow he is doing everything that she was. Funny how that works.

I can see how everything will be harder for me when Q goes through it. It has been and will be the first of everything. I will be a wet rag at Kindergarten registration. I will be crying like a baby at her elementary graduation.  I am certain I will sob when we allow her to go out on her first date. And prom,  sports injuries, high school graduation, post high school plans, relationships?? I don't even want to think about how hard those things will be. But with F things will be easier. Not because I love him any less or because he is a boy or because he is a bruiser that could single handedly tear down anything that gets in his way. But because I will have already experienced those things and overcome the fear of them. The fear of letting them grow up - of letting them go.

Me, Q, F, my mom and her favorite daughter Tonya

I don't fault my mom for my baby book or my transition to college. I applaud her. She survived that and so many things two times before. I have never doubted the love she has for me or thought that she loved either my brother or sister more. I will never love Q more than F or F more than Q. I might cry more the first time I go through things but not because of favoritism.

In the meantime, I will enjoy everything that happens. I take that back - I will enjoy most of what happens. I will enjoy watching them grow up into the children, preteens, teens, young adults and adults we are working to shape. While Quinn's baby book may continue to be more complete, we will teach both of them to make good choices, just as my parents taught me. And I will hope for the best.

Quick Q & A:

Will you stop giving your mom such a hard time about Tonya being her favorite?

Not a chance ;) 


Will you feverishly fill out pages of Finn's baby book with guesstimates of dates after you post this?

Probably. 

Running from Nuts

I run a lot. I run for exercise, but I also run to calm the noise in my head.

One source of that noise: Q was diagnosed with nut allergies before she was 2 years old. Having a child that is severely allergic to nuts is a little bit stressful (to say the least). Thankfully we have avoided exposure for over 3 years. We have to be diligent about everything she eats. It has changed our lives. It is astounding how many foods contain nuts, possibly contain nuts or are manufactured in a plant that processes peanuts or tree nuts. Granola bars, most store brand animal crackers are out, many cereals, some wheat bread, plain M&Ms, some chips, many brands of chocolate chips, many bakery items, candy corn, scoop ice cream at shops, Asian food, Thai food, brownie mixes and the list goes on and on and on. We never needed to know this before Q and most people that don't have children or the allergy themselves don't realize how life threatening it can be to give a child one of these foods as a snack. We never really knew either.

It has been an adjustment to say the least. I have always had a little worry about it. But, that worry is getting even bigger since Kindergarten is looming in the future. We have another year to prepare and Q is really good about asking anyone that offers her any food if there are nuts in it. However, sometimes the person offering the food is someone her age or younger and they just say "yes" or "no" depending on what they are feeling that day. So, she trusts that everyone knows and reads the label - even 2 year olds.

One of the things that angers me most are fast food restaurants. The conversation with the worker taking our order usually goes something like this.
Me: "What type of oil do you use to fry your foods" (gasp! yes sometimes we feed them fried foods)
Worker: "I don't know".
Me: "Is it peanut oil?"
Worker (starting to get annoyed): "I don't know."
Me (getting even more annoyed than the worker): "Can you find out because she could die if I feed her a nut oil."
Worker (grunts and yells to the back): "WHAT KIND OF OIL DO WE USE?"
Person in the back (answers in about 2 seconds): "Soybean."

Now see, it wouldn't have been so hard for them to find out in the first place.

I know that there is more education about food allergies than ever before as about 1 in 13 kids has a food allergy. I wish the other 12 sets of parents also understood the seriousness of the allergy. I was creeping around on a blog the other day and read a posting from a parent who was angry that the school would throw away a peanut butter sandwich if she were to pack that in her child's lunch. Now, obviously the school is nut free. So, we have some lady mad that the 50 cent sandwich she made would get trashed in an effort to keep multiple children from going in to anaphylaxis or death. Really lady? Really? You want to go there?

Now, I know that it must be hard for parents of children to pack lunches that don't contain nuts. Actually, no I don't know that; that is a lie. I don't know how that could be difficult at all. Just don't pack nuts or nut butter or cookies with nuts. No one is saying that you have to read labels and avoid everything that is produced in a nut factory. No one is saying that you have to spend more money to pack something worthwhile for your kid to eat. No one is saying that. All they are saying is please don't risk killing someone else's kid with what you pack in a lunchbox.

Okay, so I am obviously more than worried about foods in Kindergarten. I have no worries about her learning. I have no worries about her clip getting moved to yellow from green on the stoplight most days because she will talk out of turn. I have no worries about her walking in a straight line down the hallway. I have no worries about her defending herself. I have no worries about her learning. I have no worries about her making friends. I have no worries about everything being backwards because she is a lefty. I have no worries that she will get picked last in games. I have no worries that she will have to wear her "pee pants" because of an accident. I have no worries that she might get head lice. I have no worries about any of that.

My worry is that she will want to trade her boring lunch with a friend and accidentally eat something containing nuts. My worry is that I will get a call from the school that my little lady had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital because she ate a pistachio or cashew or peanut or walnut or almond or Brazil nut or hazelnut that might have been hidden in some food… Thank goodness she isn't starting school in August. I have more time to educate her and role play and model and teach her to ask an adult and all of those things. I have more time to prepare her.

In the meantime I will continue to worry. But I will run. I will run to quiet the noise. Then I will worry. Then I will run. Then I will worry. And, again, I will run.

Quinn's skin prick allergy test

Hiking with littles

We decided to go on a "little" hike on Sunday. It was a beautiful sunny day here and we wanted to explore a new trail. We got the kids dressed, packed a lunch and headed out the door. Okay, so it wasn't really that easy. We pick out their outfits - they buck it, we ask them to go potty before we leave - they buck it, we ask them to get their shoes on - they run and hide, F sees me making lunch - he cries until I toss him a crumb (goldfish), they both need a drink - but not out of that cup, we coax them into going potty, we trick them into getting their sunscreen on and then finally we are out the door to our little hike (1.5 hours later).

We head to Purisima Creek Redwoods Open Space Preserve which is about 4 miles from home. The drive reminds me a lot of the area where I grew up. The road is a little wider than a one lane road but not quite a two lane. There are fields and farm land all around bordered by mountains in the background. There are horses and hay bales and rusty tractors all along the short drive. Man, this reminds me of mom and dad's and makes me miss those West Virginia hills. But, I am here ready to explore new mountains. We park and get ready for our short fun hike. Finn grabs a map when we get there. Not really for the purpose of having a trail map but more so he can chew on a trifold and use something to touch bugs with.

We choose to go on a trail that we think will be a little more steep than the others. Why? Because Q chose that path (I knew I shouldn't have listened to a 4 year old). The kids are stoked because they love hiking (meandering is a better description of what they do). At the bottom of the trail there are a ton of banana slugs. I have never heard of these things before I moved here. They are huge slugs that are the color of bananas and they are weird. However, the kids love them. I can't help but wonder what would happen if I poured salt on them. Anyway the kids are having a blast and we are hiking/meandering up the side of a mountain.

Banana Slugs

We keep going uphill, getting out of the way of mountain bikers as they come down the trail. We had to practice this a couple of times because the kids were either going to lose a limb as a result of a collision or they were going to wreck a biker.

Man, that hill was steep. Really, really steep. Finn decided he needed to hitch a ride in the Ergo so Joe wore him for the next few miles and I wore the backpack which I swear was heavier than Finn. We kept going up and once we got past the tree line, it was getting hot. It never gets hot here. Expecting it to be a cool hike I dressed myself and the kids in pants. Bad idea. I was more than hot. And after 2 hours of hiking I was getting hangry (hungry/angry), really hangry. I needed to eat.

Did I mention that the mountain was steep? I did not expect to be hiking up the side of a hill like a billy goat. Yep. I was hangry.

Billy goats

After a quick stop for lunch we were all ready to give it a go again with both F & Q walking on their own. We are determined to make it to the top to see the beautiful view of the ocean and mountains. Finally after about 3 hours of walking straight uphill (Joe wearing either Q or F most of the way) we made it to the top. But there was fog. Ugh. All that work and now we look out and see fog hiding the beautiful blue Pacific Ocean.

We did not expect it to be that far or steep to get to the top. Thank goodness F grabbed that map at the bottom because we had to reference it several times in an effort to figure out where the heck we were and the shortest trail back to the car. I am glad he only chewed on the corners otherwise we might still be hiking in the Redwoods.

The kids were beginning to get super tired and hot. So, for the rest of the hike (about 2 hours) I either had F on my shoulders while Joe wore Q or I wore F while he had Q on his shoulders, or I carried F while he carried Q, or any other combination that worked long enough for us to get back to the car. Did I mention that F probably weighs about 40 lbs and Q close to 50??? Shew, I was tired. I did not expect this little hike to be 5 hours long. Oh yeah and those two little people drank all of the water. They drank every last drop. I felt like I was swallowing chalk for the last 2 hours of the hike. I am pretty sure I have never been that thirsty. I have a better understanding of the bible story about Jacob and Esau now. He gave up everything for some lentil stew and I would have gladly given someone pretty much anything for a nalgene of water yesterday on those last 2 hours of the meander.

Poor thing got so hot she had to strip off her shirt and roll up her pants

But, while doing all of this we got to see the beautiful scenery that surrounds us. It was breathtaking, not just because of the steep hill or from carrying the kids, but because the beauty of it was simply breathtaking. Walking through redwoods that have been standing for hundreds of years is amazing. The creek that runs through Purisima Redwoods is very peaceful, the butterflies, 1,000 banana slugs, ants, birds, sticks, rainbow leaves, rocks, dirt piles, bees and everything else that the kids pointed out were beautiful.

It is always interesting to sit back and watch inquisitive little eyes that are eager to soak up everything around. They point out things to me that would otherwise be unimpressive. I have gotten better at letting this happen. I used to be in too much of a rush to do everything that I forgot to actually stop and enjoy the things that their little minds find so amazing.

Rainbow leaf 

(Q named it)

My body is busted today. And I mean sore. My hip sockets are sore, my back is sore, a new muscle I didn't know I had in my calves is sore.

Next time we will do our research and choose a hike that we can finish before the 5 hour mark!


Quick Q&A:

What does wikipedia say about banana slugs? 

The Pacific banana slug is the second-largest species of terrestrial slug in the world, growing up to 25 centimetres (9.8 in) long,^[5] and weights of 115 grams (4.1 ounces).^[6] (The largest slug species is Limax cinereoniger of Europe, which can reach 30 centimetres (12 in) in length.

What does Megan say about banana slugs? 

Verbally: "Cool!"  In my head "OMG. Are my kids seriously going to touch that thing??! Don't touch it…don't touch it. Dangit. You touched it."

Mexican Corn

We live in a neighborhood that is primarily Spanish speaking and these people are mostly from Mexico.  They are very kind. They have invited us to birthday parities for their children and sent over the best Mexican food you have ever tasted. You can't even begin to imagine how delicious their homemade food is. I am sitting here hoping our neighbor brings over some of whatever she is having for dinner as I write this. Our community reminds me a little of people from Appalachia: kind, friendly, self sufficient, hardworking and good cooks. That they have been accepting of us and have welcomed us into their fold even though I speak English with a twang that likely makes it hard for them to understand me, and my Spanish is super duper sketchy at best. Okay non-existant.

Dinner from our neighbor

Mexican birthday parties are over the top - if you have never attended a birthday party thrown by a family from Mexico you really need to. They do it up. And by do it up I mean rent tents, tables, chairs, bouncy houses, make lots of food, beautiful cakes and hang piñatas. They sing to the child and then smash their face in the beautiful cake, for real, face down smashed into the cake. And a girl's 15th birthday is another story. I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to learn about their culture.

Q being especially dainty with the piñata yet very stylish

There are people that cruise through the neighborhood selling things from a cart; ice cream bars, strawberries, mangos and corn. The focus here will be on the corn (although the crates of strawberries and mangos are great too). When I first arrived, I saw people lining up to get this corn on a stick from a man pushing a cart. I was intrigued. I stood in line to see what the fuss was about. Of course I did.  I watched as he was making the corn for all the people in front of me and couldn't figure out what he was putting on it. I asked a little girl that was in line, as I had recently learned that the children spoke much better english than their parents  (I was obviously the only person not fluent in Spanish in line). She informed me that it is mayo, cheese (it is either parmesan or cotija), chili powder and lime juice. At that point I thought of getting out of line. I like all of those ingredients as much as the next person but I have only put butter and salt on my corn and I like it like that. But, I decided that I need to try this.

Oh. My. Goodness. It was delicious. The combination of flavors made my tastebuds absolutely pop. How could mayo on corn taste so good? Well, this man had the magic recipe. And I can't get enough of it. The corn man has a distinct horn on his cart. It sounds like a bike horn. Each time I hear his horn I start rummaging around like a crack addict looking for cash. It is a cash only operation of course. The corn costs $2.00 and sadly I rarely have that much cash. It has gotten so bad that I have taken the plug out of Q's piggy bank (after she offered) and dug out $2.00 before taking off sprinting to catch the corn man. When I arrive, I usually have a passing thought that there is no way that his corn cart could ever pass a health inspection, but I get in line anyway. I. don't. care.

You must try this if you haven't before. Here is a recipe that I found online. This recipe doesn't have chili powder but you could always sprinkle that on. Also, this recipe calls for butter but I am sure you can omit this. I would feel a little guilty putting butter and mayo on it :) http://allrecipes.com/recipe/mexican-corn-on-the-cob-elote/

Yay! He cruised by when my girlfriends were in town! 

They got to try the corn I had been raving about! 

Notice - I have two ears. 

I apologize to my brother in advance about this post because he hates anything with mayo. I am pretty sure that if he tried this corn he would make an exception.

Quick Q &A:

Would you like to learn Spanish?
Si

Do you feel like a dummy bc you can't communicate easily with your neighbors? 
Si

Moving on

One year ago I finished up my job in Morgantown WV and prepared to make the move across the country with my little people and dog to join Joe, who had already been here for 6 months. I stayed in WV with the kids to finish out the school year and to give myself time for closure.  Boy was I angry. I was angry that I was leaving a job that I loved, angry that I was leaving a house that I loved, but most of all I was angry to leave all of my friends and family. For what? For a job that Joe wanted? I already had the job that I wanted. The friends and family I needed. It seemed like complete crap at the time. I cried a lot. often. I blamed Joe. But I also knew that this was a good move for his career and for our little family.

So, of course there needed to be a contract. We all give and take in relationships and this was taking a lot from me. Enter the contract. It isn't a paper contract signed by an attorney. It is one that is carried in my head based on many conversations we had when coming to the conclusion that we would move here. Basically I get whatever I want. Ha! The main reason I can get what I want is because Joe has a terrible memory so I can always chalk things up to being in the "contract". There have to be a lot of things in a contract to convince a Mountaineer to leave West Virginia.

The anger dissipated  - which is always a good thing for relationships.

Now, I get to stay home with Q and F. I get to look around in awe of the beauty around us. I get the opportunity to build new relationships with awesome new people. I get to walk or bike everywhere I need to go. I get to explore a different part of the country. I get to feel like every weekend is a mini vacation with the exploring and fun that we have. I get to run/bike/hike as much as I want since the weather cooperates a little better here - okay, a lot better. I get to eat awesome fruit (all the time). I get to go to the beach anytime I want. I get to see giant redwoods. I get to eat Mexican corn (more on this later).

But most of all, I get to stay home with Q and F. I get to watch it all go down. I get to see Finn aggravate the crap out of Quinn everyday. I get to watch Finn learn new words. I get to answer one million questions every day from Quinn. I get to create new experiences with them. I get to go to tide pools and look at little sea creatures with them. I get to cook s'mores with them. I get to teach Quinn her letters. I get to teach them how to swim. I get to teach them OUR values. I get to hug and kiss them at any point in the day, or trick them into giving me a hug or kiss. I get to make crafts. I get to take them to the bakery to get a cookie in the middle of the day (an excuse to get myself a cookie). I get to be with the two people that I love more than anything in the world all day. That is pretty special (and exhausting). That is worth uprooting myself from everything I know and plopping down in a new area. That is worth everything.

It is a great experience.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss my family and friends like mad. I miss my career. I really miss my parents! I miss pepperoni rolls. I miss sweet tea. I miss my brother. I miss my sister. I miss a lot. Tear.

Thankfully I am in control of my reactions to situations. We are all in control of our emotions. I am glad that I let that anger go because I am sure it would have eaten me alive if I would have held onto it. Thank goodness for that graduate degree in counseling. It's paying off…I talked myself right on into being happy ;)