Letter to single parents

Dear Single Parents,

How do you do it? I have no idea how you are able to take care of your child 100% of the time, all the time. I had a tiny dose of being a single mom of two for six months when Joe moved out to CA while I was finishing my job in WV, and also for a couple of recent week long trips he has gone on for work.

Most recently, he was in Sweden for a week. Yes, I understand I am only talking about one small piece of being a single parent. I am not taking into account the task overload, financial strain, lack of male/female influence, the lack of time (all the time) for yourself, dating, childcare, custody issues and so much more. I am only talking about my other half being gone for a short period.

But shew, that short period of time can be super hard sometimes. And if that is so hard on me I can only imagine how hard life is for a single parent all of the time. I can usually tap out at 5pm when Joe walks through the door. I can shirk my parental responsibilities and know that the kids will be okay because another parent/adult is there to oversee things. I have someone to debrief with. And, I have someone that sees to it that I take care of myself physically and emotionally. I am lucky.

The biggest challenges of the past week were: Finn's early-morning wake ups, dropping the hammer, taking the dog out, nutritious meals and screen time. So, I think Finn was impacted by Joe being gone based on his sleep schedule. He has pretty much always slept from 7-6:15 (I know- people reading this that have had babies that don't sleep want to karate chop me right now). But last week he made sure to wake up sometime in the 5 o'clock hour. What the heck? That really makes for a long morning before the much needed nap time. I looked at the clock a couple of days fully expecting it to be at least noon when it was really only 10am.

Last week I decided that I need to tweak the kids behavior on a couple of things before they got out of hand so I "dropped the hammer". It is HARD being the only one enforcing the rules. I am used to having my partner here to help make sure we immediately enforce consequences when they exhibit undesired behaviors. It was hard to follow through when it was just me - sometimes I just wanted to sit down and finish my dinner - not send Finn to timeout for throwing his.

Taking Briggs out gets complicated when Joe is gone. It isn't something that is unbearable, but it does take extra planning and persuasion - planning to get the kids ready to go out, and persuasion to get Q to put on regular clothes instead of a princess dress. (On warm mornings this isn't a battle.) The list is exhaustive: persuasion to get Finn to sit down to get his shoes on, persuasion to get Q out the door without putting on lipstick (chapstick), persuasion to get Q to wear comfy shoes not dress-up princess heels that are too big, persuasion to get Finn to give me the leash instead of dragging Briggs around the house, persuasion to get them to walk the same direction that I am headed. And the list goes on….

Fortunately, persuasion isn't needed to get the kids to eat the crap I give them when I'm single-parenting. Nutritious meals are easily sacrificed without the help of another. Either I don't have the energy to make a dinner and clean the kitchen, or I don't have the ingredients I need. However, they did get something yummy and nutritious on days that they had more screen time.

And speaking of screen time, it was at an all time high. (Other than the time that both Joe and I got food poisoning - but that's a record that will never be broken.) They got to watch a couple of episodes of their favorite show almost daily! Yes, I know the research. You can take the research and shove it (especially when I am all by myself).

Needless to say, I am glad Joe is back and that we are back in our routine. Single parents - keep rocking it, your job is thankless but soon enough your littles will recognize how amazing you are.

Sincerely,
Frazzled Mom

The Beach

The coldest winter I ever spent was a July day on the beach in Half Moon Bay. Ha! A famous quote often incorrectly attributed to Mark Twain is "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." However, my dad decided to switch it around a little to describe his first trip to the beach by our house. It was super cold. According to the weather app on my phone the wind was blowing at 25mph which made it feel much colder.

We only stayed long enough for my my parents to get a quick look around at the beautiful scenery. Even though we have been here for a year now and I go to the beach often - I still can't believe the beauty at "our" beach. It is like nothing I have ever seen - the bluffs, the waves, the mountains, the sound of the ocean, the seclusion. It is absolutely breathtaking.

Luckily we were able to hit the beach on a nice day too. We scoured the beach looking for shells, watched the kids roll in the sand and even watched dad and the kids dip their toes in. Well, dipping their toes in turned into getting completely in the water. I am sure that my parents had a fun time at the beach and am positive that my little people loved being there with Grammie and Poppy.

A visit!

Sorry about the delay in posting. I have been busy enjoying a visit from my PARENTS! That's right, both of them! My dad finally broke down and made the trip across the country to see me. Ha! Who am I kidding? He came to see Q & F. I am positive he never would have visited if it was just me and Joe. And, nothing can keep my mom from seeing the babies - this marked her 3rd trip. I can't even begin to describe how happy I was this past week having them here.

I figured my dad would never make the trip out here for a couple of reasons:

1. It is far away from home and he is somewhat of a homebody/mountain man 
2. He basically said he didn't have any business in CA and wouldn't be coming. 

That all changed when he secretly told Quinn, 7 months ago, that they would come visit after winter was over. It was amazing  that she didn't say a peep about it until the day I needed to pick them up from the airport. Can you believe that? A 4 year old has been keeping that secret for 7 months?! That is impressive. She, Grammie and Poppy have been talking about it but she never told me. There were numerous secret trips to her room to talk to Poppy and Grammie on the phone as the three of them schemed. I knew only because my parents told me for planning purposes. She has been so excited about their trip but never spilled the beans.

My kids spent the week getting spoiled by my parents. I love watching them enjoy time with my mom and dad. The transformation that happens to parents when they become grandparents never ceases to amaze me. I wouldn't have gotten away with 1/4 of what my littles get away with. I wouldn't have been allowed ice cream 2x in one day, or powdered donuts every morning, or cheetos for snack, or any toy I requested while at the supermarket, or a constant playmate in them, or to stay up way past my bedtime. I let go of the reins when my parents are with the kids while they spoil them. Then I spend the next week getting them back in line. Q understands that Grammie and Poppy have different rules. When I ask what their rules are she says "to have fun".

Thanks a lot kid. I guess in an effort to raise contributing members to society I have lost my "fun" factor.

I have been excited for this week since I found out in April and have been counting down the days. Now, the trip is over. My parents are back in West Virginia. Why do these things take so long to arrive but end so quickly?

I plan to share some of our outings in the next few posts. Stay tuned :)

Escaping Facebook

I was talking with a friend the other day while she was looking at her phone. Mid conversation, she began informing me of the happenings on Facebook.  I don't know the majority of her friends.  So, basically I didn't care about her news feed. I REALLY didn't care. But my annoyance reinforced my own belief that I made the right choice in eliminating Facebook as a distractor in my life.

I have been far more present in life since I "quit". During the chat with my friend several things were brought up by her based on what she read on Facebook. I couldn't help but wonder why we weren't talking about things that were happening in our "real" lives. After all, we were together - in real life, the two of us.

I know I sounded like that before I "quit" too. I am sure that I have said "Did you see X on Facebook" or "I saw such and such on Facebook"  or "What? You aren't on Facebook?" more times than I would like to count. Guess what? I don't say that anymore! Yay! It feels good to be talking about what is actually happening in the moment.

And guess what? Every since I quit Facebook I don't feel guilty about having breakfast as dinner for two nights in a row. I don't feel guilty about using soap that I buy at the store instead of soap made from scratch. I don't get caught up in issues that don't affect me. I don't beat myself up for missing a workout after seeing my friends' status updates. I don't feel like I need to be on some secluded beach drinking drinks with little tiny umbrellas just because someone else is. I don't get angry about someone preaching one minute and cursing the next. I don't whip out my phone in an effort not to be alone. I don't hear all of the noise that distracts from my amazing life. Yep, my life is amazing. It is sometimes hard to realize how amazing your life is when you see everyone's brag book plastered in front of you.

Since quitting Facebook I have realized that I am a better me. I appreciate the awkward silence. I have conversations with strangers. I am more appreciative of the beauty around me. I call or text my friends more often. I read more. I run because I want to run (not because I need to go farther/faster than my friend. Kidding, kind of). I hardly look at my phone.

And no, I STILL DON'T want to play Farm Town or Diamond Dash or Bejewled whatever it is. Instead I choose to play: Hi Ho Cherry-O, The Ladybug game, Thinkfun Roll and Play, Connect Four, Eeboo Tea Party game and a modified form of Yahtzee with little people. No amount of enjoyable Facebook gaming can compare to their faces when I sit down with them to play a game. And, I don't have to try to recruit other players in order to advance levels! I don't need someone to give me a goat in order to keep playing!

I do realize that not everyone is affected by Facebook in the way that I was. I am not dissing anyone for having Facebook. I am simply telling you that I am glad that I "quit". I am sharing my experience and how that experience has helped me be more mindful. Do what works best for you. Me? I'm better without it.


Quick Q & A

Do you see the irony in the fact that you quit Facebook but started a blog?
Yes. Totally. The difference is that I try to be thoughtful in my blog posts. I don't mindlessly scroll, like, share and post. And I also only work on my blog when the littles are sleeping. 

Have you seen the social media video that cannibalizes social media?
Yes, here's the link. Ironically, I first saw this on Facebook. It had a big impact on my decision to quit.