Sweet Briggs

Our dog died. Which means: My ever ready running partner died. My foot warmer died. My constant furry companion died. Our house greeter died. Our first pet died. A member of our family...

Briggs was our fur baby. He was such an easy dog to be around. He was easy to train and always wanted to please. He only had one accident in the house. Ever. 

I drew a hard line when we got him and said that he wasn't allowed to sleep in our room. I never had a dog in the house growing up and I didn't want him in my bedroom. The first night he cried and cried in his crate. The next night we let him sleep outside of our bedroom door blocking him from coming in with a baby gate. Then, the next night he was sleeping in the floor beside us. That is where he stayed. He broke me down and I am glad he did. 

He loved being with us as much as we loved being with him. He enjoyed running, walking, dog parks, the snow, the beach - he seemed to love everything. And he did everything with us. He ran around the dog park in Morgantown like he owned the place.  I loved watching him interact with the other dogs there. He was as good with stranger dogs as he was with his own human family. He loved to attempt dominant dog status by exerting his masculinity (he had a little humping problem). 

When it was cold and snowy in Morgantown we would want to stay inside but he was the reason that we would bundle up and head outdoors. I loved watching him jump in and out of the snow. He would burrow his face all the way down into the snow like he was trying to get to the ground. We never understood why he liked doing that so much but it was so darn cute every time he did. 

I think he liked the sand as much as he liked the snow. He sprinted round and round when we went to the beach, running circles around us, literally. He liked to run really fast beside the kids and graze them with his hip as he went by. This always knocked them down - but so gently.

When Quinn was born, he got sidelined a little, and even more when Finn was born. He didn't care. He was glad to have human siblings. He liked to sleep beside Quinn's crib when she was a baby. He didn't mind when they dressed him up for the holidays or made him wear a stethoscope and be Dr. Briggs. 

When both Quinn and Finn first learned to crawl - he was the one they wanted to go to. They wanted to poke him. Prod him. Pet him. Pull his fur. And he didn't budge. They always giggled so hard when he would wag his tail and tickle their faces. He was always so gentle with them. 

I remember walking into the room when Quinn was around a year old and in her exersaucer. Her face was soaked and her hair was sticking straight up.  She was looking at Briggs with a smile on her face. He must have given her tons of kisses when I stepped out of the room (more likely though he found some food residue that tasted yummy and licked every last little bit off). 

Briggs was always ready for a run. He trained for three half marathons with me. He trained with Joe for a half marathon and a mini-triathalon. (Granted, Joe’s training was three long runs.) He ran at least 3 miles most days of the week, and became an amazing running partner. He never complained when I slowed down to catch my breath and didn't mind when I cut our run a little short, or when I roused him from a sound sleep to head out for an early run, or when I waddled very slowly on walks when I was pregnant. He didn't care. He was so happy to be with us. 

More than anything, Briggs helped me feel safe. He was gentle, but he looked like a wolf. And I think some people were scared by his one blue eye and one brown eye – his stare could be disconcerting. But I could go out at night with him and know that I was safe. He helped me feel safe when Joe was gone. Joe’s gone right now, and I wish Briggs was here.

Oh yeah, the hair. Man, the hair. Being a Siberian Husky he had a lot of hair. He shed all of the time. Joe was the one who brushed him most often. He could fill up a grocery bag of hair every time he did this. If he did it everyday - he would fill up a bag everyday. We vacuumed a lot. I never thought I would miss all of the hair, but I do. I miss having hair stuck to all of my outfits. I miss him. 

Joe and I have struggled with his passing more than either of us thought possible. He was part of our family. He was "our" first pet. We got him three years into our dating relationship. We went to a breeder which turned out to be a little more like a puppy mill and picked him because we knew he would be a perfect fit for us, and he was. He has been there through it all: dating, engaged, married, job changes, 1st baby, 2nd baby, cross country move. He saw and heard more about my life than anyone else in the past 8 years. I miss him terribly.

As I write this with tears streaming down my face I can't help but realize how different things will be without him.  Our lives have been changed by a dog.

He made me a better person. Really. He made me think of someone besides myself. He taught me responsibility. I was 25 and selfish when we got him. In the matter of a few months he taught me who was the boss. He prepped us for having children. I learned from him. 

I am so proud that we got to be his human family. I was proud when I cradled him in my arms all the way home when we got him. I was proud when I was out with this beautiful creature. I was proud when I was at home with this gentle being. I was proud to be with him and I believe he was proud to be with us.

As we move forward without him we are doing things with the kids to help them remember him. The kids are making a "Briggsy" craft that they want to keep in their rooms. We have tons of pictures of him. We plan on doing a little memorial together as a family at the beach. I am sure that I will continue to miss him but I will cling to all of the wonderful memories that we had with him. I will never forget him. And, I doubt I will ever get another dog because it could never live up to the awesomeness of Briggsy. 

The Sweet Smell of West Virginia

Sorry about the delay in posting. I was in West Virginia for the past three weeks. My parents have a hot spot for internet but it moves super slow as there is minimal cell service at their house. C'mon Frontier! You have been promising high speed for about a year now!

Our trip back to West Virginia was amazing. I stepped out of the airport in Charleston and breathed in the air. There is something about summer West Virginia air that is smells different than anywhere else. It is fresh and humid and perfect. I never really appreciated it while living there probably because I didn't really know anything different but it is a smell that calms me immediately. Or does the calm come from surviving another cross country trip with the littles by myself?

The kids and I spent a lot of quality time with my parents. Q and F worked in the garden with my dad picking beans, corn, tomatoes, cabbage, pumpkins and much more. They also climbed apple trees and picked apples. We always did these things when I was small but now it seems special. I always dreaded working in the garden when I was little. It was always so hot and it seemed like I always got in trouble in the garden. That sounds funny, but it is true. Either I didn't lay the rows out straight or I stepped on the beans while pulling weeds or found a clump of dirt that I couldn't resist throwing at my brother, Seth.

When I was younger I assumed that everyone canned their own fruits and vegetables. Nope. I was wrong. Most people don't know how to do this. Most people don't realize the flavor they are missing out on by buying their canned fruits and vegetables from the store. Unfortunately, I do realize this. I buy canned vegetables and miss the true flavor that was sealed in the jars that were canned in mom's kitchen. I also realized this when my sister rolled in to visit while we were there with a checked bag that my brother sent for her to fill up with fresh vegetables and canned goods to take back to him. I was reminded of this because while we were home my parents were canning beans, apple pie filling, kraut and tomatoes.

One day I hope to live a more sustainable lifestyle. I would love to retire to a place where we "live off of the land". When I tell Joe this he laughs. He says we would die if we had to be self sufficient.

The littles and I had a great time getting spoiled by Grammie and Poppy and visiting with all of our West Virginia family and friends.

I will give more updates on our trip in upcoming posts!

A West Coast Catch Up

I was very excited when my friend Christi contacted me to let me know that she and her husband Garrett were going to be vacationing in San Francisco and that they would love to meet up. Yay! I have known Christi since I met her at 4-H camp when I was 7 or 8 years old and I have known her husband Garrett since I was in high school!  

We picked a restaurant in the city based on some recommendations from friends. I wanted to choose a place that was located close to their hotel and also highly recommended. We decided on Farmer Browns located on the cusp Union Square and the Tenderloin. Ha! The Tenderloin is probably the most dangerous neighborhood in San Francisco. Joe and I were surprised to find cheap parking ($8 - yes!), and as we walked away from the car, we realized that we had parked squarely in the middle of it. We were pretty confident that station wagons aren't very high on the "cars to jack" list.

We met up with Christi and Garret outside of the restaurant then ducked into our brunch destination. Farmer Browns touts itself as a "soul food" southern style restaurant with a west coast spin. Both Christi and I were excited to see what this was all about and if it could hold a candle to the food we grew up on.

When we sat down at out table we were told about the brunch buffet (which sounded delicious), the a la carte items on the menu and informed that we would only have 90 minutes at the table once our drink orders were taken. Well, that was not the southern hospitality that I grew up around. No one tells you that you have 90 minutes to sit on their porch, drink tea and visit with them and then you must leave! There were no time limits for visiting! However,  I can totally understand their time limit though as it is a desirable place to eat and they need to cycle people in and out.

I opted for the brunch buffet which did not disappoint! The buffet offered some of everything: biscuits, gravy, fried catfish, fried chicken, waffles, salad, fresh fruit, cheesy grits, desserts…..yum. I need to go back there. The catfish was my favorite item on the buffet - it was battered perfectly in a cornmeal mixture and not overly greasy from the frying. Our food was delicious but our conversation and the catching up we were able to do with Christi and Garret was outstanding. Obviously none of our kids were there!

After brunch we walked to a Starbucks to catch up a little more as the live music was a little loud at Farmer Browns and didn't allow for much conversation. While walking through the sketchy neighborhood Christi and I talked about how we didn't really notice that we were in a rough part of town because we were busy looking around at other things. I am often naive about the intent of people or the danger of a neighborhood. I would say that could be attributed to growing up in a community where everyone knows everyone as you gain a lot of trust because people are good (for the most part).

Christi and I chatted it up while Joe and Garret were having a conversation of their own. We talked about being a stay at home mom vs. working outside the home mom (as we both have done both), talked about my experience in CA up to this point, she caught me up on what is going on in Morgantown and we were able to catch up on what is going on with many of our mutual friends. I love talking with Christi she is one of those people that is genuinely interested in what you have to say.

While driving home both Joe and I talked about how bummed we were that we didn't hang out with Christi and Garret more often when we were in Morgantown. But, we both had a baby and then we both had a second (and no one thought to inform us that this severely limits what you can do).

The visit was awesome and ended too quickly. They had to explore San Francisco, and we had to relieve our babysitter. On my way home, I couldn't help but think that even though I was 3,000 miles from where we grew up, some people just feel like home. Thanks for a great visit Christi and Garrett!

Christi and Garrett in SF

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I get no respect.

When I worked "in the real world" I had people around me that respected me (or at least pretended to). Now, I get no respect.  I get no kudos for anything. Sometimes it seems as though I work in "wacky world" instead of "the real world". I want an annual review. I want to know what I am doing a good job at and what I could do better. I would like to have a goal setting session to plan out what I will accomplish with my little people within the next year. I want positive feedback. I thrive on positive feedback.

Instead, the feedback I get usually comes in the form of "I don't like this supper" or "No, never" or even more demanding "I need water", "you forgot my fork". Geez! Give me a break! First of all, you are welcome for your supper. Second, take a time out because we don't tell Mommy "no, never". Thirdly, I'm in the process of filling up your water but now it is about to turn into a battle because you will be forced to ask for your drink politely, you will refuse, you will get upset, you will finally ask for it politely. Lastly, get up and get your own fork.

Okay, so some of that is a lie. Joe tells me almost daily what an amazing job I am doing with the kids. He reminds me of all of the things they are learning/seeing/experiencing. He respects me and the decisions I make in raising our kids. He knows me too well. He knows that if I don't hear some form feedback I will probably shrivel up and die. AND, he always loves dinner (even if it is burnt to a crisp) :).

Also, my kids are actually pretty grateful and caring the majority of the time. I am highlighting the worst for the purposes of creating a funny blog post. Of course. And, we have all had "those" days where there is seriously - no respect, zero, zilch. No one tosses you a bone, or a crumb, nothing. Those days are teaching days. Major teaching days. Days that are created for us to help shape their behavior. It doesn't mean that it is easy or that we don't want to hide in a closet. I just mean that we have to use those days to teach what we want to see or the kids chalk it up to "acceptable behavior".

So, even though the kids are way to little to give me the feedback that I crave I am told that I will see the fruits of my labor in 20 years. Really?!? Yep, that is what I am told. I have to wait about 20 years to see the return on this investment. I swear that this person told me that as if it was some kind of reassurance. That statement did not reassure me - it almost made me run as far as I could as fast as I could. Ha!

But, after some thoughtful consideration I trust that in 20 years I will see the fruits of my labor. Plus, I believe that I will see many nuggets that will get me through till then. After all, I see little nuggets daily that reassure that I am doing the right thing. And, I will continue to try my best to raise our children to be assets to society. I hope that if I accomplish anything I shape them to be kind, caring, compassionate, resilient, loving, confident, respectful and determined. I want them to be strong in who they are and unwavering in what they believe.

So, I will continue to live in a way that exemplifies: kindness, caring, compassion, resiliency, love, confidence, respect and determination because by being an example of those things I am teaching them in a way that nothing else can. So, although I don't have that formal annual review I crave - I have an internal daily review (which is much harsher).

I might "get no respect" now. But in 20 years that had better turn around ;).

What characteristics/traits do you attempt to live daily?

Big Basin Redwoods State Park

While my dad was here we decided that we needed to kidnap him and take him to see some redwoods. By kidnap I mean get him in the car to ride somewhere. His mission while he was here was to spend quality time with the kids - not spend time in a car (they love the babies so much). This was a place that I had already visited once when my mom and sister came out. I remember both of them being in awe of the trees and the beauty of the park. Mom agreed that dad would be fascinated by the redwoods. So, we all loaded up in the car and made the drive (without telling my dad that the drive would be a little over an hour).

Big Basin Redwoods State Park is absolutely breathtaking. The park is located in the Santa Cruz mountains and was established in 1902. The drive is very curvy and the road narrows to a one lane - hello, West Virginia driving!

A picture we took on the drive. 

Once we arrived there we began walking around looking at the massive trees. As we stood among trees that are estimated to be 1,000 to 2,000 years old I was reminded that someone who is way bigger than me is in charge of things and is doing a darn good job of it. The scenery is nothing short of amazing. It is almost as if you are inside the most beautiful nature painting you have ever seen.

We walked around the park on one of the easier trails that showcased some of the most amazing trees in the park. We got to see what is called Mother of the Forest which is tallest measured tree (329 feet!) in the park as well as Father of the Park which is believed to be over 2,000 years old! The walk was beautiful and the kids enjoyed running to hide amongst the redwoods and attempting to scare us as we walked by.

Father of the Forest Tree

My dad spends the majority of his time outdoors and can identify any type of tree in West Virginia, Virginia or Kentucky. However, he hadn't seen a gigantic redwood before so I am glad that we were able to kidnap him and take him to see something new!

I guess Q got tired from trying to 

process all the beauty around her? ;)

If you happen to live on the left coast but haven't gone to see giant redwoods, shame on you. Go do it! If you are ever visiting the left coast you should add it to your list of things to do.



Quick Q&A:

Are there things that you didn't tell us about Big Basin Redwoods State Park?

Yes! Much more information can be found here.

Letter to single parents

Dear Single Parents,

How do you do it? I have no idea how you are able to take care of your child 100% of the time, all the time. I had a tiny dose of being a single mom of two for six months when Joe moved out to CA while I was finishing my job in WV, and also for a couple of recent week long trips he has gone on for work.

Most recently, he was in Sweden for a week. Yes, I understand I am only talking about one small piece of being a single parent. I am not taking into account the task overload, financial strain, lack of male/female influence, the lack of time (all the time) for yourself, dating, childcare, custody issues and so much more. I am only talking about my other half being gone for a short period.

But shew, that short period of time can be super hard sometimes. And if that is so hard on me I can only imagine how hard life is for a single parent all of the time. I can usually tap out at 5pm when Joe walks through the door. I can shirk my parental responsibilities and know that the kids will be okay because another parent/adult is there to oversee things. I have someone to debrief with. And, I have someone that sees to it that I take care of myself physically and emotionally. I am lucky.

The biggest challenges of the past week were: Finn's early-morning wake ups, dropping the hammer, taking the dog out, nutritious meals and screen time. So, I think Finn was impacted by Joe being gone based on his sleep schedule. He has pretty much always slept from 7-6:15 (I know- people reading this that have had babies that don't sleep want to karate chop me right now). But last week he made sure to wake up sometime in the 5 o'clock hour. What the heck? That really makes for a long morning before the much needed nap time. I looked at the clock a couple of days fully expecting it to be at least noon when it was really only 10am.

Last week I decided that I need to tweak the kids behavior on a couple of things before they got out of hand so I "dropped the hammer". It is HARD being the only one enforcing the rules. I am used to having my partner here to help make sure we immediately enforce consequences when they exhibit undesired behaviors. It was hard to follow through when it was just me - sometimes I just wanted to sit down and finish my dinner - not send Finn to timeout for throwing his.

Taking Briggs out gets complicated when Joe is gone. It isn't something that is unbearable, but it does take extra planning and persuasion - planning to get the kids ready to go out, and persuasion to get Q to put on regular clothes instead of a princess dress. (On warm mornings this isn't a battle.) The list is exhaustive: persuasion to get Finn to sit down to get his shoes on, persuasion to get Q out the door without putting on lipstick (chapstick), persuasion to get Q to wear comfy shoes not dress-up princess heels that are too big, persuasion to get Finn to give me the leash instead of dragging Briggs around the house, persuasion to get them to walk the same direction that I am headed. And the list goes on….

Fortunately, persuasion isn't needed to get the kids to eat the crap I give them when I'm single-parenting. Nutritious meals are easily sacrificed without the help of another. Either I don't have the energy to make a dinner and clean the kitchen, or I don't have the ingredients I need. However, they did get something yummy and nutritious on days that they had more screen time.

And speaking of screen time, it was at an all time high. (Other than the time that both Joe and I got food poisoning - but that's a record that will never be broken.) They got to watch a couple of episodes of their favorite show almost daily! Yes, I know the research. You can take the research and shove it (especially when I am all by myself).

Needless to say, I am glad Joe is back and that we are back in our routine. Single parents - keep rocking it, your job is thankless but soon enough your littles will recognize how amazing you are.

Sincerely,
Frazzled Mom

The Beach

The coldest winter I ever spent was a July day on the beach in Half Moon Bay. Ha! A famous quote often incorrectly attributed to Mark Twain is "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." However, my dad decided to switch it around a little to describe his first trip to the beach by our house. It was super cold. According to the weather app on my phone the wind was blowing at 25mph which made it feel much colder.

We only stayed long enough for my my parents to get a quick look around at the beautiful scenery. Even though we have been here for a year now and I go to the beach often - I still can't believe the beauty at "our" beach. It is like nothing I have ever seen - the bluffs, the waves, the mountains, the sound of the ocean, the seclusion. It is absolutely breathtaking.

Luckily we were able to hit the beach on a nice day too. We scoured the beach looking for shells, watched the kids roll in the sand and even watched dad and the kids dip their toes in. Well, dipping their toes in turned into getting completely in the water. I am sure that my parents had a fun time at the beach and am positive that my little people loved being there with Grammie and Poppy.