Words.

Having a conversation with Q today about someone we recently met and she informs me that they are "fat". This makes the second time she has used this word (that I know of). First, I wonder, how did she learn this word? I am very careful not to say anything about body shapes being good or bad in front of her. I have seen the damage this can cause to young girls and women. I want her to realize the value of people for what they are, not what they look like. I am sure the world will negate this teaching soon enough. Of course I have days where I feel like I don't look good enough or jeans don't fit like they should, but I keep those thoughts to myself. Honestly since adopting this attitude several years ago I feel much more confident about myself even on those "off" days (or maybe it has something to do with not having a full length mirror or scale ;) ). So, where did she learn this? Then, I remember, I had to describe it a several months ago when reading "One fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish".  Dangit.

Then, I think, I need to address this carefully.

I begin by telling her that fat isn't a word that we should say to anyone. That some people are tall, short, small or big. Then she says "I can always tell mommy and daddy, right?" Me: "Yes you can tell us what you think about people but you don't want to hurt other peoples feelings by telling them" Her: "Daddy is tall. Can I tell him that?". Man, it must be hard to learn all of these rules. Why has fat become such a taboo word in our society? Sure I don't want my child to walk up to someone and say "you are fat". But I don't want her to think fat = not good. She is simply using it as a descriptor. But I have to tell her not to say it to people because it hurts their feelings?? So, basically I have taught her that fat isn't something that we want to say because it offends people but she was only using to describe someone with no judgment attached. So, in essence, in teaching her about social norms, I'm the one who is attaching the negative connotation to the word, "fat".

Also, what's up with the word old? Why do I tell her not to ask someone if they are "old" as if it is a bad thing (this conversation happening after she asked someone of course)? With age comes wisdom, right? Elderly people should be walking around with a chip on their shoulder because they have been alive for a long time, witnessed a lot  and have a ton of knowledge. It shouldn't be offensive for a child to ask someone if they are old - it should be a badge of honor! I have thought a lot more since having a couple of littles. It is crazy that society has made these words "bad"; what is even more disturbing is that kids who are just learning to navigate the world offend people by asking these "inappropriate" things.

My Dad is not easily offended. He tells Q that he is old. He doesn't see aging as a bad thing. They had a conversation recently that went something like this.
Q: "Poppy did you get your hair cut?
P: "Yeah I did. Do you like it?"
Q: "No, I don't like white hair - I like pink".

Little people say what they think. They don't intend to hurt feelings but they also don't mince words. What a refreshing perspective. Well, refreshing if you aren't the one that is standing there while they are saying what they think!

A simple trip to the store

Why I am even calling it a simple trip when I ventured out with both kids to get boring cleaning items is beyond me. But, I did it - I took my kids on the most boring shopping trip ever. We all survived and they did great until we got to the checkout line. Why do they always lose it in the check out line? Surely my kids aren't the only ones that do this? Finn was upset that the cashier was putting our items in a bag for us. He got really upset about it and cried/screamed for about 20 seconds. Have you ever had a 2.5 year old? If so this probably makes perfect sense to you. Then he stopped. Hooray! It was a short one! Yay!

But before I could fully celebrate this in my mind I hear someone say "JESUS!" in a condescending tone. You know the tone. The one that means, "lady you need to take better care of your kid" tone. Oh no he didn't, oh yes he did! Hmmm, what should I do. I consider this (which is progress). Another lane opens and the man behind me moves to that lane leaving the "Evangelist" directly behind me. When I started to hear my heartbeat in my ears I knew that I couldn't take it any more. I turn around and confront him (of course I did).
Me to him: you were inappropriate yadayada, you are being childish yadayada
Of course he must defend himself. His below the belt response is that "I'm a better parent than you".

Really? 

I was taken off guard completely by this comment. This comment made me realize how important it is for us to support one another as parents. Why do we say things that tear people down? People like this man are all around. They give "the" look at the restaurant. They glare when your kid makes a peep at church. They are the ones that huff and puff when your two year old is emphatically letting you know they need to pee on a flight during takeoff. They are the ones that you overhear whispering that they hope they aren't seated beside you and your children on a flight. They are the ones that are seemingly blaming the innocent child for misbehaviors. THEY ARE ALL AROUND (and I like to confront them).

But do you know who else is everywhere? The one that gives you the understanding smile and offer to let you go ahead in the checkout line. The one that catches your child as they are about to take a big tumble and you can't get to them fast enough. The one that gives you complimentary drink coupons on the flight when they see you are on there with 2 kids by yourself. The one that helps distract your child so you can take care of the other one who is upset. The one that offers to help you get your huge 2.5 year old into the Ergo on a steep hiking trail. The one that says "don't worry I have kids/grandkids". These people are EVERYWHERE and they outnumber the others. Thank goodness. They outnumber the others. You have seen them, right? Now, I'm no damsel in distress but these people are amazing and there to offer what you need when you need it. 

So, when you are out and about and encounter that judgy one be sure and look past them to find the other one, the understanding one. Or, confront the judgy one and hope they realize their mistake and morph into an understanding one ;). Good luck out there.

Quick Q&A
Did he make you question your parenting abilities?
No. I am not writing this asking for confirmation that I am a good parent. I don't doubt my parenting abilities - I have kept my children from accidentally killing themselves and/or each other many times. That alone is success. 

Do you regret confronting him?
Heck no! 

Pic from the shopping trip. Pre mean man encounter.

Finn was so proud that he was able to do that with his shirt. 

Sweet Tea? Avocados?

Mmmmm, there is nothing quite like a sweet tea. I have always loved it. It is like hummingbird nectar of the candy store gods. In West Virginia it is an option at any cafe, restaurant or neighbors home; "it" is everywhere.

Then, we moved to California.

I walked into a bakery and the conversation went something like this.
Me: I would like a moon shaped sugar cookie and a sweet tea
Girl behind the counter: (Looking at me like I just grew a second head) excuse me?
Me: I would like a moon shaped sugar cookie and a sweet tea
Girl behind the counter: A what?
Me: A tea that is sweet.
Girl behind the counter: we don't have that but we have iced tea and sugar right over there.

Really!? Somehow she thought her response was acceptable. Anyone that knows anything about sweet tea knows that it won't taste like home if you put the sugar in while the tea is cold.

I asked for it at several restaurants only to be greeted with the same response every time. Finally, I stopped asking. Then I found out that McDonalds has sweet tea! Too bad I don't go to McDonalds often. Major first world problem. I hope this provides some clarity about my obsession with sweet tea. But at least California has avocados.

Quick Q & A:
Sweet tea? Is WV part of the south? 
Well, yes and no. The census bureau and some geographers consider it part of the south. However, WV decided to break away from Virginia during the civil war. In my mind that is kind of when North and South were distinguished. 
And thanks to wikipedia we have this information: 
The unique position of West Virginia means that it is often included in several geographical regions, including the Mid-Atlantic, the Upland South, and the Southeastern United States. It is the only state that is entirely within the area served by the Appalachian Regional Commission; the area is commonly defined as "Appalachia".^[9]

Long story short = Call it what you want.


Now for avocados. I was introduced to these alligator pears by Joe. I was 24 years old - how in the world did I live so long without trying something so good? Something so healthy? Something so buttery that isn't really even butter? I thought they were delicious. Until, I moved to California…they are even better here. For real. Even. Better. Here. On my last trip back to West Virginia I went to grab some from the grocery store. I picked up and squeezed at least 12 of them and I swear I think David used an avocado from West Virginia to kill Goliath. I bought a couple that should be ripe in a few months when I go back for a visit ;).

Since living here I have even attempted to make chocolate pudding using avocados. What the what? Okay, so in the effort of full disclosure it was during a time that I had decided to cut all excess sugar out of our diet (if you can't have sweet tea this should be easy). I lasted approximately 1 hour before I NEEDED something sweet - a quick google search landed me at Chocolate Avocado Pudding (sweetened with dates instead of sugar). After making this creation to get my sweet fix I questioned the worth of an avocado as a dessert. This would be the first and last time I will question the avocado - I am certain that the dates made the pudding a little nasty. It couldn't be the avocado, right?

Quick Q & A:
Will you ever make pudding from an avocado again?
Doubtful. 

So, what is the takeaway? I am a spoiled brat complaining about nothing important.

There you have it - Sweet tea and avocados….

These two don't seem to mind a moon shaped cookie with no sweet tea.

A blog?!

So, I decided to start this blog today one that I intended to start one year ago.

Q & A:

• Why did I want to start this blog one year ago? 
• To document my range of emotions as we prepared to move our family (Joe (easily the funniest and most patient person I have ever met who happens to also be my husband), Quinn (daughter 4), Finn (son 2), Briggs (Siberian Husky 8)) from West Virginia (yes it is different from Virginia) to California. I moved across the country (away from all of my"blood" family) and switched careers from a position where I was working with people that listened to me and collaborated with me to one where no one listens to me ever. Kidding. Kind of. I stay home with our two littles now. 

• What prompted me to finally start the blog?
• I "quit" Facebook.

• Why did I quit Facebook? 
• I needed to stop looking at my phone! I needed to be more present to my kids and to everyone I encounter. I wanted to talk with people in waiting rooms instead of pulling out my phone to keep me company. I wanted to see the world around me with my own eyes instead of through someone else's. I also wanted to feel more adequate as a parent (What?! who doesn't?) 

• Do I see the irony that I quit Facebook to be more present and I am now starting a blog?
• Yes. 

• What will this blog be? 
• Hopefully entertaining…I plan to include lots of things that interest me: kid activities, recipes, workouts, hope, love, travel and comparisons/experiences of Sweet Tea (WV) and Avocados (CA). 

• Will this blog overuse commas and dashes?
• Yes.

• And how about grammar? 
• I plan to write how I speak - if I use Appalachianese I will be sure to translate ;) 

So, welcome to our family! I look forward to sharing my life experiences with you!