Words.

Having a conversation with Q today about someone we recently met and she informs me that they are "fat". This makes the second time she has used this word (that I know of). First, I wonder, how did she learn this word? I am very careful not to say anything about body shapes being good or bad in front of her. I have seen the damage this can cause to young girls and women. I want her to realize the value of people for what they are, not what they look like. I am sure the world will negate this teaching soon enough. Of course I have days where I feel like I don't look good enough or jeans don't fit like they should, but I keep those thoughts to myself. Honestly since adopting this attitude several years ago I feel much more confident about myself even on those "off" days (or maybe it has something to do with not having a full length mirror or scale ;) ). So, where did she learn this? Then, I remember, I had to describe it a several months ago when reading "One fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish".  Dangit.

Then, I think, I need to address this carefully.

I begin by telling her that fat isn't a word that we should say to anyone. That some people are tall, short, small or big. Then she says "I can always tell mommy and daddy, right?" Me: "Yes you can tell us what you think about people but you don't want to hurt other peoples feelings by telling them" Her: "Daddy is tall. Can I tell him that?". Man, it must be hard to learn all of these rules. Why has fat become such a taboo word in our society? Sure I don't want my child to walk up to someone and say "you are fat". But I don't want her to think fat = not good. She is simply using it as a descriptor. But I have to tell her not to say it to people because it hurts their feelings?? So, basically I have taught her that fat isn't something that we want to say because it offends people but she was only using to describe someone with no judgment attached. So, in essence, in teaching her about social norms, I'm the one who is attaching the negative connotation to the word, "fat".

Also, what's up with the word old? Why do I tell her not to ask someone if they are "old" as if it is a bad thing (this conversation happening after she asked someone of course)? With age comes wisdom, right? Elderly people should be walking around with a chip on their shoulder because they have been alive for a long time, witnessed a lot  and have a ton of knowledge. It shouldn't be offensive for a child to ask someone if they are old - it should be a badge of honor! I have thought a lot more since having a couple of littles. It is crazy that society has made these words "bad"; what is even more disturbing is that kids who are just learning to navigate the world offend people by asking these "inappropriate" things.

My Dad is not easily offended. He tells Q that he is old. He doesn't see aging as a bad thing. They had a conversation recently that went something like this.
Q: "Poppy did you get your hair cut?
P: "Yeah I did. Do you like it?"
Q: "No, I don't like white hair - I like pink".

Little people say what they think. They don't intend to hurt feelings but they also don't mince words. What a refreshing perspective. Well, refreshing if you aren't the one that is standing there while they are saying what they think!